i am taking a medication which makes me blank.
it's a studious, balanced blankness, one which merely hovers beneath the surface, mostly unnoticed.
is this how you all feel?
blank as pale limestone.
sometimes i feel a passing, expanding sadness. it quickly deflates and the disturbed dust settles into its old grooves.
i look forward to things. more things. and then i don't.
more than anything there is an indifference to most things. at first i enjoyed this anaesthetised oasis. now it disturbs me. especially knowing that beneath it is a monster - several monsters even
bright burning rage,
rampaging speed and ecstasy
a dead black hole, deep as the ocean, empty as the sky.
an unfathomable despair.
i am painted over
whitewashed, if you will.












